I was searching for some funny jokes and came across this really good one...well not very good but ok ok....haha...take a look...
Holiday Eating Tips (not to be taken seriously...especially if you're a 12 Stepper or Diabetic, but it's funny!)
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holidaybuffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact,if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, wherethey're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like finesingle-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer thansingle-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of yearbut now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 caloriesin every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into aneggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have onefor me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the wholepoint of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Makea volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy.Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made withskim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?It's like buying a sports car with an automatictransmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effortto control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lotsof it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between nowand New Year's. You can do that in January when you havenothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, whichyou'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffettable, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and sizeof Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Haveas many as you can before becoming the center of attention.They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave thembehind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice ofeach. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples andone pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to havemore than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded withthe mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at allcost. I mean, have SOME standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leavethe party or get up from the table, you haven't been payingattention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January isjust around the corner.Remember this motto to live by:"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with theintention of arriving safely in an attractive and wellpreserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate inone hand, martini in the other, totally worn out andscreaming,
"WOO HOO what a ride!"